Just needing to let it all out

shimmereestar · Oct 3, 2008

I don't know what's going on with me today, for some reason I'm just really sad. I've been crying and just feel so defeated. I know you guys here will understand, and frankly I feel like no one else does. I'm just having a "why me, why Ellie" kind of day. Two of my best friends are pregnant and so excited and I am super excited for them, but at the same time I get the it's not fair feeling. Healthy babies. Why wasn't that us??? I went to a pampered chef party last night, and there was a little one there Ellie's age and just to watch the mom pop a bottle into her mouth without thinking about it, and me just thinking how lucky she is not to have to mess with enzymes. I feel like poor DD is attached to the vest and breathing machine, and just to time everything just right (errands, etc.) just right so we don't miss a treatment. I teach kiddos all day and always notice the coughing and sneezing in the hands, the chewing on pencils, the sucking on shirt collars, and picking the nose and yes it the boogies (YUCK) and think OMG is it fair to send her to a public school one day? I just want to crawl into our own little world sometimes and never come out. We've spent all week trying to track down someone who will take our insurance and get Ellie the synagis shot. Finally we did, thank God. I know all of this is supposed to make me stronger, but sometimes I feel so overwhelmed. I guess I'm just having one of "those" days that sneaks up on you. DD is really doing so well right now, and I know how much worse things could be, but it just gets to me sometimes. I guess I just need a little more strength at the moment because today is one of those days where I feel like I'm falling apart. Sorry this is so long, thanks for being here<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

shimmereestar · Oct 3, 2008

I don't know what's going on with me today, for some reason I'm just really sad. I've been crying and just feel so defeated. I know you guys here will understand, and frankly I feel like no one else does. I'm just having a "why me, why Ellie" kind of day. Two of my best friends are pregnant and so excited and I am super excited for them, but at the same time I get the it's not fair feeling. Healthy babies. Why wasn't that us??? I went to a pampered chef party last night, and there was a little one there Ellie's age and just to watch the mom pop a bottle into her mouth without thinking about it, and me just thinking how lucky she is not to have to mess with enzymes. I feel like poor DD is attached to the vest and breathing machine, and just to time everything just right (errands, etc.) just right so we don't miss a treatment. I teach kiddos all day and always notice the coughing and sneezing in the hands, the chewing on pencils, the sucking on shirt collars, and picking the nose and yes it the boogies (YUCK) and think OMG is it fair to send her to a public school one day? I just want to crawl into our own little world sometimes and never come out. We've spent all week trying to track down someone who will take our insurance and get Ellie the synagis shot. Finally we did, thank God. I know all of this is supposed to make me stronger, but sometimes I feel so overwhelmed. I guess I'm just having one of "those" days that sneaks up on you. DD is really doing so well right now, and I know how much worse things could be, but it just gets to me sometimes. I guess I just need a little more strength at the moment because today is one of those days where I feel like I'm falling apart. Sorry this is so long, thanks for being here<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

shimmereestar · Oct 3, 2008

I don't know what's going on with me today, for some reason I'm just really sad. I've been crying and just feel so defeated. I know you guys here will understand, and frankly I feel like no one else does. I'm just having a "why me, why Ellie" kind of day. Two of my best friends are pregnant and so excited and I am super excited for them, but at the same time I get the it's not fair feeling. Healthy babies. Why wasn't that us??? I went to a pampered chef party last night, and there was a little one there Ellie's age and just to watch the mom pop a bottle into her mouth without thinking about it, and me just thinking how lucky she is not to have to mess with enzymes. I feel like poor DD is attached to the vest and breathing machine, and just to time everything just right (errands, etc.) just right so we don't miss a treatment. I teach kiddos all day and always notice the coughing and sneezing in the hands, the chewing on pencils, the sucking on shirt collars, and picking the nose and yes it the boogies (YUCK) and think OMG is it fair to send her to a public school one day? I just want to crawl into our own little world sometimes and never come out. We've spent all week trying to track down someone who will take our insurance and get Ellie the synagis shot. Finally we did, thank God. I know all of this is supposed to make me stronger, but sometimes I feel so overwhelmed. I guess I'm just having one of "those" days that sneaks up on you. DD is really doing so well right now, and I know how much worse things could be, but it just gets to me sometimes. I guess I just need a little more strength at the moment because today is one of those days where I feel like I'm falling apart. Sorry this is so long, thanks for being here<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

shimmereestar · Oct 3, 2008

I don't know what's going on with me today, for some reason I'm just really sad. I've been crying and just feel so defeated. I know you guys here will understand, and frankly I feel like no one else does. I'm just having a "why me, why Ellie" kind of day. Two of my best friends are pregnant and so excited and I am super excited for them, but at the same time I get the it's not fair feeling. Healthy babies. Why wasn't that us??? I went to a pampered chef party last night, and there was a little one there Ellie's age and just to watch the mom pop a bottle into her mouth without thinking about it, and me just thinking how lucky she is not to have to mess with enzymes. I feel like poor DD is attached to the vest and breathing machine, and just to time everything just right (errands, etc.) just right so we don't miss a treatment. I teach kiddos all day and always notice the coughing and sneezing in the hands, the chewing on pencils, the sucking on shirt collars, and picking the nose and yes it the boogies (YUCK) and think OMG is it fair to send her to a public school one day? I just want to crawl into our own little world sometimes and never come out. We've spent all week trying to track down someone who will take our insurance and get Ellie the synagis shot. Finally we did, thank God. I know all of this is supposed to make me stronger, but sometimes I feel so overwhelmed. I guess I'm just having one of "those" days that sneaks up on you. DD is really doing so well right now, and I know how much worse things could be, but it just gets to me sometimes. I guess I just need a little more strength at the moment because today is one of those days where I feel like I'm falling apart. Sorry this is so long, thanks for being here<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

shimmereestar · Oct 3, 2008

I don't know what's going on with me today, for some reason I'm just really sad. I've been crying and just feel so defeated. I know you guys here will understand, and frankly I feel like no one else does. I'm just having a "why me, why Ellie" kind of day. Two of my best friends are pregnant and so excited and I am super excited for them, but at the same time I get the it's not fair feeling. Healthy babies. Why wasn't that us??? I went to a pampered chef party last night, and there was a little one there Ellie's age and just to watch the mom pop a bottle into her mouth without thinking about it, and me just thinking how lucky she is not to have to mess with enzymes. I feel like poor DD is attached to the vest and breathing machine, and just to time everything just right (errands, etc.) just right so we don't miss a treatment. I teach kiddos all day and always notice the coughing and sneezing in the hands, the chewing on pencils, the sucking on shirt collars, and picking the nose and yes it the boogies (YUCK) and think OMG is it fair to send her to a public school one day? I just want to crawl into our own little world sometimes and never come out. We've spent all week trying to track down someone who will take our insurance and get Ellie the synagis shot. Finally we did, thank God. I know all of this is supposed to make me stronger, but sometimes I feel so overwhelmed. I guess I'm just having one of "those" days that sneaks up on you. DD is really doing so well right now, and I know how much worse things could be, but it just gets to me sometimes. I guess I just need a little more strength at the moment because today is one of those days where I feel like I'm falling apart. Sorry this is so long, thanks for being here<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

JazzysMom · Oct 3, 2008

OH Sweety!

We all have these types of times. No it isnt fair, but for some sick reason we were dealt this hand in life.

Appreciate the fact that you were able to be her Mom even tho it isnt what you had envisioned......

HUGS

JazzysMom · Oct 3, 2008

OH Sweety!

We all have these types of times. No it isnt fair, but for some sick reason we were dealt this hand in life.

Appreciate the fact that you were able to be her Mom even tho it isnt what you had envisioned......

HUGS

JazzysMom · Oct 3, 2008

OH Sweety!

We all have these types of times. No it isnt fair, but for some sick reason we were dealt this hand in life.

Appreciate the fact that you were able to be her Mom even tho it isnt what you had envisioned......

HUGS

JazzysMom · Oct 3, 2008

OH Sweety!

We all have these types of times. No it isnt fair, but for some sick reason we were dealt this hand in life.

Appreciate the fact that you were able to be her Mom even tho it isnt what you had envisioned......

HUGS

JazzysMom · Oct 3, 2008

OH Sweety!
 
 We all have these types of times. No it isnt fair, but for some sick reason we were dealt this hand in life.
 
 Appreciate the fact that you were able to be her Mom even tho it isnt what you had envisioned......
 
 HUGS

Ratatosk · Oct 3, 2008

We've all had days like that -- sometimes for no apparent reason, when I KNOW I should be happy, everything just hits me. I went thru similar feelings about babies -- DH's cousin and some coworkers were pregnant around the time DS was born and I just felt it wasn't fair.

Sarah Jessica Parker from Sex in the City and Brook Shields had just had babies and I couldn't STAND watching them on tv or reading about them in magazines. And while DS was still in the NICU, I was soooo annoyed seeing a herd of pregnant women walking thru the hospital lobby on their way to a birthing class. It just wasn't fair.

It does get easier seeing babies. I'm able to hold someone else's baby and coo over it appropriately, prior to that I'd just be so filled with sadness. And I laugh when I go pick up DS at preschool when some of the babies put their arms out to me.

As for worrying about your daughter getting sick. I tend to get nervous about this time of year when the flu starts getting mentioned in the news. Again, that gets a little easier with time as well. But there are still days -- a little cough, fever, runny nose and I start to worry.

Keeping you in my thoughts. <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

Ratatosk · Oct 3, 2008

We've all had days like that -- sometimes for no apparent reason, when I KNOW I should be happy, everything just hits me. I went thru similar feelings about babies -- DH's cousin and some coworkers were pregnant around the time DS was born and I just felt it wasn't fair.

Sarah Jessica Parker from Sex in the City and Brook Shields had just had babies and I couldn't STAND watching them on tv or reading about them in magazines. And while DS was still in the NICU, I was soooo annoyed seeing a herd of pregnant women walking thru the hospital lobby on their way to a birthing class. It just wasn't fair.

It does get easier seeing babies. I'm able to hold someone else's baby and coo over it appropriately, prior to that I'd just be so filled with sadness. And I laugh when I go pick up DS at preschool when some of the babies put their arms out to me.

As for worrying about your daughter getting sick. I tend to get nervous about this time of year when the flu starts getting mentioned in the news. Again, that gets a little easier with time as well. But there are still days -- a little cough, fever, runny nose and I start to worry.

Keeping you in my thoughts. <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

Ratatosk · Oct 3, 2008

We've all had days like that -- sometimes for no apparent reason, when I KNOW I should be happy, everything just hits me. I went thru similar feelings about babies -- DH's cousin and some coworkers were pregnant around the time DS was born and I just felt it wasn't fair.

Sarah Jessica Parker from Sex in the City and Brook Shields had just had babies and I couldn't STAND watching them on tv or reading about them in magazines. And while DS was still in the NICU, I was soooo annoyed seeing a herd of pregnant women walking thru the hospital lobby on their way to a birthing class. It just wasn't fair.

It does get easier seeing babies. I'm able to hold someone else's baby and coo over it appropriately, prior to that I'd just be so filled with sadness. And I laugh when I go pick up DS at preschool when some of the babies put their arms out to me.

As for worrying about your daughter getting sick. I tend to get nervous about this time of year when the flu starts getting mentioned in the news. Again, that gets a little easier with time as well. But there are still days -- a little cough, fever, runny nose and I start to worry.

Keeping you in my thoughts. <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

Ratatosk · Oct 3, 2008

We've all had days like that -- sometimes for no apparent reason, when I KNOW I should be happy, everything just hits me. I went thru similar feelings about babies -- DH's cousin and some coworkers were pregnant around the time DS was born and I just felt it wasn't fair.

Sarah Jessica Parker from Sex in the City and Brook Shields had just had babies and I couldn't STAND watching them on tv or reading about them in magazines. And while DS was still in the NICU, I was soooo annoyed seeing a herd of pregnant women walking thru the hospital lobby on their way to a birthing class. It just wasn't fair.

It does get easier seeing babies. I'm able to hold someone else's baby and coo over it appropriately, prior to that I'd just be so filled with sadness. And I laugh when I go pick up DS at preschool when some of the babies put their arms out to me.

As for worrying about your daughter getting sick. I tend to get nervous about this time of year when the flu starts getting mentioned in the news. Again, that gets a little easier with time as well. But there are still days -- a little cough, fever, runny nose and I start to worry.

Keeping you in my thoughts. <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

Ratatosk · Oct 3, 2008

We've all had days like that -- sometimes for no apparent reason, when I KNOW I should be happy, everything just hits me. I went thru similar feelings about babies -- DH's cousin and some coworkers were pregnant around the time DS was born and I just felt it wasn't fair.
 
 Sarah Jessica Parker from Sex in the City and Brook Shields had just had babies and I couldn't STAND watching them on tv or reading about them in magazines. And while DS was still in the NICU, I was soooo annoyed seeing a herd of pregnant women walking thru the hospital lobby on their way to a birthing class. It just wasn't fair.
 
 It does get easier seeing babies. I'm able to hold someone else's baby and coo over it appropriately, prior to that I'd just be so filled with sadness. And I laugh when I go pick up DS at preschool when some of the babies put their arms out to me.
 
 As for worrying about your daughter getting sick. I tend to get nervous about this time of year when the flu starts getting mentioned in the news. Again, that gets a little easier with time as well. But there are still days -- a little cough, fever, runny nose and I start to worry.
 
 Keeping you in my thoughts. <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

brewz2 · Oct 3, 2008

Considering all we go through, I think you're entitled to a day of like today. The sun always comes up tomorrow, and their bright little smiles always light up our days and push away our sadness...so give yourself a big hug and a pat on the back and take comfort in knowing that you are the best mom for the job and out of all the moms in the world, you were picked to be her mom - how special are you? When I have days like this, I take comfort knowing that I have a place to go to that EVERYBODY understands...saying a little prayer just for you <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

brewz2 · Oct 3, 2008

Considering all we go through, I think you're entitled to a day of like today. The sun always comes up tomorrow, and their bright little smiles always light up our days and push away our sadness...so give yourself a big hug and a pat on the back and take comfort in knowing that you are the best mom for the job and out of all the moms in the world, you were picked to be her mom - how special are you? When I have days like this, I take comfort knowing that I have a place to go to that EVERYBODY understands...saying a little prayer just for you <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

brewz2 · Oct 3, 2008

Considering all we go through, I think you're entitled to a day of like today. The sun always comes up tomorrow, and their bright little smiles always light up our days and push away our sadness...so give yourself a big hug and a pat on the back and take comfort in knowing that you are the best mom for the job and out of all the moms in the world, you were picked to be her mom - how special are you? When I have days like this, I take comfort knowing that I have a place to go to that EVERYBODY understands...saying a little prayer just for you <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

brewz2 · Oct 3, 2008

Considering all we go through, I think you're entitled to a day of like today. The sun always comes up tomorrow, and their bright little smiles always light up our days and push away our sadness...so give yourself a big hug and a pat on the back and take comfort in knowing that you are the best mom for the job and out of all the moms in the world, you were picked to be her mom - how special are you? When I have days like this, I take comfort knowing that I have a place to go to that EVERYBODY understands...saying a little prayer just for you <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

brewz2 · Oct 3, 2008

Considering all we go through, I think you're entitled to a day of like today. The sun always comes up tomorrow, and their bright little smiles always light up our days and push away our sadness...so give yourself a big hug and a pat on the back and take comfort in knowing that you are the best mom for the job and out of all the moms in the world, you were picked to be her mom - how special are you? When I have days like this, I take comfort knowing that I have a place to go to that EVERYBODY understands...saying a little prayer just for you <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

Just needing to let it all out

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